Six pages
by lifeongallifrey
Summary: If he's not the absurd stoic idiot that he always thought him to be, then he's just a regular guy… a regular werewolf. And that might just be the scariest thing in the world.


_"His very existence was improbable, inexplicable, and altogether bewildering. He was an insoluble problem. It was inconceivable how he had existed, how he had succeeded in getting so far, how he had managed to remain - why he did not instantly disappear."_ - Heart of Darkness (Joseph Conrad)

* * *

At first he doesn't really know how to react to any of this and he even wonders if it's true at all. He knows he can't trust anything Peter says, but a part of him can't help believing the story. He's not sure why, but it's appealing to him. He likes the idea of Derek being a normal child. Just a kid. A kid that laughs and fools around with friends. A kid that doesn't hide in the shadows. A kid that doesn't answer questions with death stares or physical violence.

Maybe what he truly likes is the fact that it's all new to him, that he never even considered thinking about it.

To be honest, he doesn't think about Derek much. What is there to think about anyway? Derek is just… Derek. Quiet and boring and annoying Derek.

But not anymore.

Now there's a background and motives. Stiles loves motives.

When he was in fifth grade, his History teacher told him that he would never pass the exams if he continued answering only the first question.

"I understand you enjoy writing six pages about one single topic but I have to evaluate your knowledge regarding the entire curriculum. You have to answer the other questions, too, Mr. Stilinski… Or I will have to fail you."

What the woman didn't understand was that he didn't care about dates and monosyllabic answers.

If the exam expected him to explain what single event had set in motion the start of World War I, said exam was lame. He didn't want to write about one single guy or date, he wanted to write ieverything/i.

And in order to do so, he needed to understand the motives, the reasons, those tiny bits of information that made everything else make sense.

A few hours ago, Derek was an isolated fact, a date, a name, a dull high school test answer. No history, no motivations, no enticing details.

And now he's so much more. Now he's the kid, the nephew, the boyfriend, the killer, the victim. He's a kid that used to have fun and laugh. He was once able to fall in love, to let his guard down.

It's so hard to imagine and yet, that's all he wants to do right now. He wants to imagine everything. All of it. Did he have good grades? Did he have a best friend? Did he have pets? Did he think Peter was a total creep even back then?

And what does he think now? Does he miss _her_?

He wants to just go ahead and ask him. And at the same time, he's not sure he wants Derek to admit it was all true, that Peter didn't lie (about that part, anyway), because it's better to pretend that Derek isn't innocent or fragile, it's better to pretend he's tough and invincible.

After all the things they've been through, he never actually considered the possibility of Derek dying. It just didn't seem possible. So he didn't mind celebrating or acting like he didn't care because _it's Derek. He can't be dead_, and if he's not dead, then jokes are just jokes and they don't count.

But if he can smile and cry and love, then he can die. If he's not the absurd stoic idiot that he always thought him to be, then he's just a regular guy… a regular werewolf. And that might just be the scariest thing in the world.

Derek being normal is ridiculous. Derek himself is ridiculous. Stiles hates his ridiculousness.

Or maybe he just hates not being able to hate him.

And for the first time in his life, he finds himself hating the extra knowledge because now he can't stop thinking about it.

The night Boyd died keeps claiming his thoughts. They didn't know each other that well and weren't friends, so his death didn't affect him much. It may seem cruel, but it would be a disservice to Boyd's memory to pretend otherwise.

Sadly, he's getting used to seeing people die. It's not something he's okay with, it's not something he likes, but it's the way it is. People die all the time and he feels hopeless because he can't save them.

But what was different about that particular death was that Derek looked so broken because of it. At the time, Stiles thought that he simply felt sorry. It was the logical conclusion.

Now he thinks there was more to it and he wonders if Derek sees her face whenever someone dies. Does he blame himself for all the pain that surrounds him?

He shouldn't.

Stiles decides that he will ask him more about his past, but not yet. First he'll make sure to let him know that he's not half as boring as he seems to be… and that it's not all his fault.

He probably spent all these years thinking that death was all that he could look forward to, all that he deserved. "You were wrong, you idiot", that's what he'll tell him. Yeah. He'll assure him that he's not alone and he'll insult him. It sounds right.

Derek will probably smack him. That sounds right, too. And painful. Very painful. Pain is bad. Maybe he'll restrain himself from insulting Derek after all.

The important part though is that now he cares; maybe he cared all along and never noticed.

Maybe he actually likes caring.

A few hours ago, he would have written "Derek Hale. Tall. Fangs. Bad temper" and now he feels like he could write six pages and it still wouldn't be enough.

Derek Hale…

He'll pay him a visit soon. He might even tell him that he doesn't hate him (much).

Or he might not say anything. Maybe he'll just sit down and stay quiet, he'll be there just to remind him that he's not alone.

Quiet and boring and annoying Derek, a regular werewolf.

Stiles is intrigued.

He likes that.


End file.
